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Veronique Jansen meets people in her immediate vicinity. Resilient people with touching stories. Cataphote reflects her ‘quest’, in a sense serving as a mirror for her actions as an image-maker, in search for the balance between her subject and herself as the creator and a human being. Cataphote is her report.

‘Emma was selling The Big Issue, standing in the entrance of the supermarket I run my errands. She did this every day with kindness and patience. I was allowed to visit the small room she lives in and thought to myself: how on earth is it possible that people have to live like this in a prosperous town like Hilversum. I do not believe in photographing while being just an observer, so I decided to follow Emma in her daily routine to try and get inside the story. The confusion started following a photo shoot: she was no longer allowed to sell the newspaper from inside the supermarket. Thinking back, this is where my research started: how do I want to relate to the subject.

I decided to get inside Emma’s story and try to help her in retrieving her selling spot inside the store. Partly because I felt guilty and wanted to make it up to her, partly as a pretext to try and improve her situation. So I arranged a meeting with the shop manager and wrote a cv for her, because she was aiming for a regular job. Just a little effort for me, but it did change my part in the story. For a moment I thought we found some balance in our relationship. From one thing came another, together we checked her mail, got her a job, I tried to help with an insurance policy and accompanied her to Bulgaria.

My position as an image-maker is a complicated one and a struggle with ethical boundaries. Does practical assistance help her? In my opinion you can sometimes be of more help by writing the story, that will give other people pause for thought and possibly a reason for action. By constantly helping her, consequently Emma expects even more help. But I do not want her to change her behaviour. I do not want her to give desirable answers in order to get things done. I went too far.

Although in the beginning I thought Ben’s story would be about ‘loneliness’, along the way his ability to organize his life the best way possible really touched me. Photographing him I was looking for loneliness and finding it. But this slowly changed, the theme evolved to ‘zest for live’. Could I have stuck to loneliness theme? Or addressed the situation by doing more research? I was touched by Ben’s energy and decided we should take a look at the pictures together. This resulted in a snapshot of Ben indicating he really isn’t lonely at all. The photos are just me interpreting the story in the moment. I intend to always have the guts to open myself to what really is instead of what I expect to find.

Maya told me she misses her son. She last saw him at Christmas (2005). Also during the holidays, a good friend told her he probably is no longer alive. I listened to what actions she had undertaken and wondered if I could help her. And as sincere as my help would be, could it have consequences for the story? It’s more than evident I value helping people. For a moment I thought I had found my style of image-making while working with Maya, but I kept feeling some uneasiness. Did that mean I can only make a story if I am offering practical assistance? The thoughts kept running through my mind until I came to a conclusion about the way I want to work. I need to tell stories that lead to opening themes to discussion.

I admire the way Karen makes the most of her life. She passionately embraces life, being her positive self, enjoying the moments with people that matter to her. At least that’s the life Karen shows me. She is interesting and makes me curious, I write a synopsis about resilience and power, but struggle with the role I play and the story I want to tell, because this experienced media woman knows very well what she is (not) showing me. Does that make it impossible? Is her story thus less truthful? I had gotten used to baldly stepping in and recording, but that is not the way it works with Karen. She dictates the terms under which I am allowed to photograph and film. She determines the setting, but I’m in charge and make her portrait.

Willem often sits on a bench on the square near my work. We arrange a meeting at the homeless shelter so I can get to know him better. Thanks to Willem I grow as a photographer. I can still see me sitting there in the shelter and the exact moment I dared to grab my camera… I get to know his father as well and I really get involved. I record what I see and choose not to tell a sad story.

Thinking my view was an objective one, I realize my story is not objective at all, because I choose what I want to show. While immersing in Willem’s life, people close to me ask me why I am following a homeless person because it is not original at all. Still I do want to tell his story, I want to show how he struggles to overcome his drug-addiction and to find a home. Because Willem really touched me with his energy and perseverance.’